A man known only as 'The Russian' invited Hetty to Milan to shop the collections.
She was a bit too polite to tell him she has quite a lot of clothing already.
But London was getting a bit intense, so she kissed Mister Chips on his furrowed brow, slammed her sorbet pink front door and boarded a night train to Milan. To fly the flag she slipped on a ‘clever clogs’ Bella Freud jumper, the new beefeater silk shoes by Charlotte Olympia and a double decker red lipstick by Rimmel. The whimsy is critical.
Milan. Oh Jesus Milan. Hetty likes the Bulgari Hotel because it evokes an embassy in a 70s Italian movie. In a cool way. But gosh, don't the bathtubs look like tombs designed by Helmut Newton? And the halls are so dark. Dark except for the illuminated images of precious gems. Such a clever aide de memoir for the Russian. Hetty read Tolstoy once. She developed a frown line trying to pronounce the names. Bloody Tolstoy. If Hetty had to read a 700 page novel to penetrate the culture of every admirer she would have no life AT ALL.
But first things first. Gucci.
Hetty is fretful about how far to go with the strange opulence that is Alessandro Michele's imagination. I mean mint green tights yes. Yes please. But a matchy match pistachio hat shaped like an Easter egg? One quails. Hetty already looks a tiny bit like a hybrid between a gazelle and a canary. In the yellow Gucci she might look like Big Bird.
Breakfast at the Bulgari was a tiny bit Zoolandesque. In a cool way. Tiny editors ordering big shiny pastries and staring holes in them. Models with wet hair and dry smiles. Everyone in sun glasses at 7am. Sportscars parked at rakish Italian angles on the gravel. And Hetty trying to breathe normally and anticipate Prada at the same time. There was only one thing to calm the nerves. An indecent bauble! Alexei snapped his copy of Le Monde on the table, gulped down a macchiato and whisked Hetty to Bulgari for a private view before the shows.
When in Rome, I mean Milan.
Oh you know what I mean.
BREAKFAST AT THE BULGARI HOTEL, MILAN