Hetty: Loella I have something terrible to tell you about Marc
Loella: Marc Newson? Marc Newson is dead???
Hetty: No, much worse than that?
Loella: Marc the banker you met in Uruguay on horseback has had another affair?
Hetty: Worse...
Loella: Marc...um...with a k or a c or an ach? Just Tell me. Stop crying and speak girl
Hetty: Marc Jacobs. My beloved Marc Jacobs has done something really unforgivable.
He...he has brought back the NEW UGLY...there's rubber and platforms and Marilyn Manson makeup and Gaga whatever her name is and purple patent leather!!! And buckles. Buckles like the RODARTE chokers but sort of worse. Much more pervy and laborious.
It's perfectly ghastly Loella...it is in fact THE END.
Loella: God I cannot wait to see it...
Phone goes dead. Hetty is English. Hot tea and silver teapots English. But that poor girl does not have a kinky bone in her body. Jacobs? The man can't design beige sequined cardigans and neat spring coats forever. I better call her back. Once I have a good long look. But a question? Will the house issue their own talcum powder to wriggle into things? I'd quite fancy that.
Have a perve of the Marc Jacobs latest collection here on Vogue Runway http://www.vogue.com/fashion-shows/fall-2016-ready-to-wear/marc-jacobs